Monday, May 3, 2010

brain chemistry

i stopped taking the anti-depressant i was on in february when the prescription ran out and i had to schedule an appointment with my so-called gp who "wished me luck" with this whole cancer-thing. since scheduling an appointment seemed like an impossible hurdle, they clearly weren't working, so what was the point. at least so went my rationalization. and truly, it did not seem to make any difference. everything was horrible in february--with or without anti-depressants.

so, i went to see a psychiatrist. i wanted to make sure that my avoidance of the arimidex wasn't just because i was depressed. she told me "you are very articulate and make some very logical points" and "could certainly understand why you would make this decision." oh thanks. she didn't think it was depression. i did convince her though, that i am irritable and get teary sometimes (note the muzak and all), so she decided on a "mild depression" diagnosis and a new anti-depressant.

now, i am even happier with my, possibly stupid, decision.

she did ask, though, if i wanted a referral to a therapist. wow, would i be a hypocrite, doing what i do, but saying, "no." so i said, "yes." then she referred me to someone who she thinks i will like, who is also a breast cancer survivor. i don't know how i feel about that. what if she thinks i'm a whiner? i can make it all sound pretty horrible to justify my whining, but what if her experience was worse and she didn't whine? i'm not sure i'm ready to risk losing my internal whining privileges...

1 comment:

  1. Just so long as you don't lose your external "why-ning" observations...