Wednesday, February 3, 2010

i am free

i may still be able to button a button, but apparently i do not walk very well on my tippie-toes, a sign that my neuropathy (the numbness in my fingers and feet) is getting worse, not better. when i asked, "so that will go away, right?" my oncologist said, um, actually, no. so she is discontinuing my chemo. she explained to chad and me that there are no studies showing that six treatments are better than four for this type of cancer, and that at this point the risks of the more aggressive treatment outweighed any possible, but unproven, benefit.

(i hope her decision wasn't based solely on the tippie-toes demonstration, as she had never seen me try that before chemo; there were several dance teachers in my youth who were sadly disappointed when i would move from the barre to the floor.)

so there is still radiation, and oral medication, but no more chemo.

so i am free. i feel like i have suddenly been released from a dark cell and am standing bewildered in the sun.

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