Monday, February 15, 2010

just go back to sleep

i have been waking up in the middle of the night thinking about someone i know whose husband is dying of cancer.

they set him up in a hospital bed at home on the first floor. i know that people often do that, so that the dying person can still feel like part of the comings and goings of the family, and that it is a loving and caring act. but i can't think of anything sadder than the moment a person is moved to the hospital bed if his or her spouse is still living. because isn't that the moment when you know we will never sleep together again?

the whole mate-for-life, til-death-do-us-part thing that so many of us do--or try to do--is so sweet but by definition so inevitably heartbreaking. we have to work hard to be oblivious to its inevitable end, despite knowing people we care about who have gone through it. 

i have been tempted to wake chad up, to tell him how terrifying the concept of the hospital bed at home is to me, but he would be annoyed with me for even thinking about it. seeing as how it won't ever happen. to us, anyway.

so i go back to sleep.

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