a funeral

i attended a funeral service yesterday. it was held in a church just a couple of blocks away, so i walked, wearing heels. walking in heels is difficult enough for me but now that i can't totally feel the balls of my feet, it was just... stupid.

somehow i managed to show up an hour early, but rather than walk home and come all the way back, seemingly impossible, i sat on the front steps, taking in the first sun we've had in a long time. i don't always have a good sense of how i look to others, but it must not have been good because several people walking by asked if i was ok. actually, i was sad about my dog. it was a perfect dog-walking day, and a little poodle trotting along the sidewalk was a big reminder.

of course, i was waiting for the service for an actual person. so they probably assumed i was grieving for him. but, i didn't know him--i was there for his wife whose grief i hadn't really seen--so his death was theoretical to me, and available for any death to be projected onto it. even that of a poodle. or my own. 

i clearly am an extremely self-centered person.