nothing to wear

my good friend came into town--at my request--to help me shop for clothes as nothing i owned fit, and i was not about to venture into a mall alone. my friend, though, is a fearless shopper. she also looks like lauren hutton. always has. i don't know what i was thinking: the comparison was beyond depressing.

this kind, caring, generous friend was on a mission though. she suggested another way of wearing my scarf, and then asked if i had thought about wearing some makeup. she offered some tips that had worked for her friend, a no-doubt gorgeous nordic beauty also going though breast cancer. i did not find this helpful. i have no eyelashes! i rarely wore makeup before, and to wear it now would feel like preparing for an open casket. horrifying. clearly i was not ready for this.

but we got past that and did actually shop. we started early on a Sunday morning while there was no one under the age fifty anywhere in the mall, then gradually went from the most comfortable store for me (j. jill) to the scariest (j. crew & bannana republic). (it's not that people mean to be unkind, but no one really wants a middle-aged cancer patient in their fashionable store. their customers do not think, "oh, i want to look like her!"). 

my friend was wonderful, bringing me carefully selected things while i hid in the dressing room, avoiding the mirror, and telling me i looked great in a size four, as if it were natural for me. i do have something to wear now, and i couldn't have done it without her. but screw the scarves; i'm done now.