my oncologist told me that i will be really, really tired. that i will be able to do "whatever is essential to me"--but not much else. i loved how she put that; it is very poetic.
but then later i thought, oh this is one of those f%*&ing-learn-about-the-important-things-in-life cancer moments and i became thoroughly irritated. i don't want to have to make every moment count. i want to be able to blythely and carelessly squander time on non-essential things. i do not want to become a better person through cancer. i was perfectly happy with my flawed self.