Friday, November 13, 2009

anger and acceptance

the stages of grief or loss that Eizabeth Kubler-Ross identified are:

  1. Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
  2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)
  3. Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
  4. Depression (I don't care anymore)
  5. Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
but as i have heard many times (and let me tell you, it pisses me off every time), everyone is different. fine. so as chad has pointed out, my own particular path may be making just a few extra trips through the anger stop. i don't see that as necessarily a bad thing; i see the anger stop as a warm, tropical ocean where a storm gains strength.

here is how my anger manifests itself: i spend an hour meeting with a prospective parent and her child. i find them both irritating but i try to keep an open mind. her child shadows for the rest of the day. she comes to pick up her child at the end of the day and demands to speak to me. a teacher explains that i am keeping shorter hours because i am going through chemo and suggests that she call or email me the next day. she then demands to speak to emily. the teacher explains that emily leaves after purple period. she demands to know "what is your procedure here?" and i find myself thinking the procedure is to make sure you are not a total jerk, and unfortunately you failed, and so goodby.

i am hoping she decides we are not "structured" enough for her and does not call, because it would be so unprofessional of me to tell her to go $#*&^ herself, and yet--almost inevitable. is that the "acceptance" stage?

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