miles to go before i sleep

the blizzard started friday. twenty inches of snow. i sat outside in a little shoveled spot, leaning back into the snow, letting the snowflakes fall on my eyelids while chad and a neighbor shoveled our walk. i could have stayed there until i was buried in snow, but coal wouldn't let me, and chad would have, presumably, noticed.

so back to bed. i have slept eighteen out of every twenty-four hours.

someone welcomed me back to "the land of the living" after i finished chemo. it really is like that--except i'm not sure i am ready. i've been far away, even as i've dragged myself into school or occasionally the grocery store (with which i obviously have a complicated relationship).

i still can't stand without leaning, i am still shaky and out of breath, but even ignoring all that, i am still so far away. the blizzard is perfect. i can sleep and sleep and there will be no school and nothing that i really need to attend to for days. and maybe by then i'll be ready to go back. back to the land of the living.