Sunday, January 3, 2010

i'm so sorry

it was a get-together right before christmas. i wasn't really complaining--this time anyway--just trying to say that in the future, cancer treatments will be so much more targeted than they are now. i mean, my friend's husband is a kind, gentle man, but a man of science, a cardiologist. i was trying to be adult about this. then he says, "my mother died of breast cancer."

oh shit. "i'm so sorry."

"when i was two-and-a-half." jesus christ.

"there really weren't any treatment options then. i remember the room where she was in an oxygen tent, but they wouldn't let me in. my brothers could go in but i was too little."

this little boy, desperate to get to his mom, and his brothers desperate to hold on to her. what could possibly be more heart-breaking? i could behave better than mother teresa for my whole life and never deserve a better outcome than this family deserved. there is no fairness. there is no reason.

ok, yes, the little boy did go on to become a doctor, and save lives, and all that, but i can't believe that was part of a bigger plan. if it was, it was a shitty plan.

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